you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
