i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
