I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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