I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize