I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You ruined the universe
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
