is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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