I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Boobs speak an international language.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
