So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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