I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you inspire me to be a worse person
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
40s are totally the cure
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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