i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
