This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
