Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
