She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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