It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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