How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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