If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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