So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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