Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
