Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.