I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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