Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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