Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
