woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is my gift to your gina
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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