i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
