He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
