Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm both gender and math confused
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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