Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
