i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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