I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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