it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
