a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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