yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
