PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize