how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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