You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
