walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
