Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
