I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
