So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
