i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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