Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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