but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
