I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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