You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
