So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
