You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Houston, we have a blender
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
