She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
