i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
the raccoons are back...
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