Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
