She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
