Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
