wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
