You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
