in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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