who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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