Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
