whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
