just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
