There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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