I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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