I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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