Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
