did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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