I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize