Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
