I am in a vortex of obligation.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
