Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
