My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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