this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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