they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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