May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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