No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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